Jokes? Post them!!

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Jokes? Post them!!

Post by Crapper on Sat Jun 05, 2010 6:06 pm

So, here's one for you ppl.

Jens and Peter are the best of friends, they go to the same school, have the same classes and live near eachother so they play together too. One day, while playing, Peters dad calls him home to give him a present.
Peter comes home and finds a new bike for him. Peters dad gives him a jar of vaseline also and tells Peter to smear it on the bike if it starts raining. That way the buke will never rust. Peter says OK, jumps on the bika to meet Jens so they can play. When evening falls and it's about dinner time Jens invites Peter to join him and his family for dinner. Peter checks with his dad and gets an OK.
Later they sit at the dinner table at Jens' house, done with the eating and all. Just as Peter is about to get up Jens' father says "Ok Peter, seeing as this is the first time you eat here, you should know that we have some rules here after we eat. The first one fo talk after dinner, does the dishes. Are you OK with that Peter?"
Sure Peter is OK with that. He can be quiet and wait for someone else to do the dishes. So the waiting begins.
½ an hour passes and no one says anything.
Another ½ hour passes and Peter gets bored. He grabs Jens' sister, throws her on the table, rips off her panties and fucks her right then and there. Jens' dad is outraged but, he won't say anything... he won't do the dishes so, they wait.
½ an hour passes and no one says anything.
Another ½ hour passes and Peter gets bored again. He grabs Jens' mom, throws her on the floor, lifts up her skirt, pushes the panties aside and fucks her on the floor. By now Jens' dad has quietly sworn to himself that he'll rip the head of Peter but, he's also deadset against doing the dishes that he keeps quiet.
½ an hour passes and no one says anything.
Another ½ hour passes and by chance Peter looks out the window and sees it's started raining. He hurries to his backpack, rips out the vaseline and then *BOOOOOMM*.....
Jens' dad has smashed his hand onto the tabletop yelling "THAT'S ENOUGH... I'LL DO THE DAMN DISHES*

Mehehe.

- Crapper

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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by cmnndr on Sat Jun 05, 2010 6:31 pm

Too long for a joke,too long to read a joke.You have to try harder man. Mad

Here's one Wink



P.S. Good one lol! But I guess lil' Jens sister and lil' Jens mom were mute I just wet myself Anways explicit passages with panties aside and skirts liften cheers Crapp you typsy mdfka drunken

I just wet myself
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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by Cinc on Sat Jun 05, 2010 6:47 pm

Nice one Crapp, here's one from me Razz Razz

The lion organized a great meeting in the jungle. Every animal has to tell on joke, and every other animal has to find it funny, otherwise the one who told it gets executed. So, wolf goes on first, tells his joke and everyone laughs their asses off, except for the bear. So, the lion orders for the wolf to be executed. Next comes the fox tells a joke and everyone's dying of laughter again, except for the bear. The lion orders the execution of the fox. Then comes the rabbit, tells a joke and nobody's laughing, except for the bear who is rolling on the floor. The lion begins to wonder and asks the bear: "Why are you laughing now, after rabbit told this lame joke", and the bear responds: "Wolf's joke was hilarious"

Very Happy
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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by Nath on Sun Jun 06, 2010 2:26 am

Ok so here are "Dead Baby Jokes" dont say im sick etc. for posting them you just need a certain sense of humour. Neutral

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

What's more fun than feeling up a dead baby?
Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.

What do you call a dead baby, a rat, 6 week old bread and a gherkin?
A Big Mac.

What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.

How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it's head.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.

That'll do for now Neutral
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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by Kai on Sun Jun 06, 2010 2:56 am

Awww guys I remember yesterday ... yeay yeay I do !

Awesome night I got <.<
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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by Crapper on Sun Jun 06, 2010 3:56 am

Hahaaaa Smile great jokes ppl but, seems like the only ones posting are the ones from yesterday. C'mon ppl, post more.

- Crapper

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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by dad0 on Mon Jun 07, 2010 2:36 pm

There are 2 worms sitting on a mountain.

One has AIDS and second ones sister just died.

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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by cmnndr on Mon Jun 21, 2010 9:29 am

What do you call a school bus fill with black childeren?

A rotten banana. I just wet myself

No pun intended Bob. Razz

Hug. Now!
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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by MissSunShine on Mon Jun 21, 2010 10:32 am

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
sunny
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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by Mnk on Sun Jun 27, 2010 10:40 am

Old joke is old, but..

What's the difference between a teabag and the England team?

A teabag stays longer in the cup.


Argh...
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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by cmnndr on Sun Jun 27, 2010 11:26 am

Teabaging also brings you joy. I just wet myself
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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by fear on Mon Jun 28, 2010 1:10 pm

dude 1 calls dude 2 on the phone: - hey dude lets go out!
- can't dude I'm sick. - he replies
- how bad what is it??
-I'm fucking my sister.
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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by cmnndr on Mon Jun 28, 2010 1:56 pm

Hahahaha. And you say I'm the one who resembles dad0 affraid
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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by fear on Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:22 pm

fu varlan

chuck norris saw the mistress's face in Tom and Jerry cartoon.
hmmm, I think that chuck norris shouldn't be underlined as a grammar error. thats bad for
human mankind.
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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by dad0 on Sun Jul 04, 2010 1:13 am

Two toothpicks go to grocery store, one has STD and other calls Varlan a faggot.

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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by cmnndr on Sun Jul 04, 2010 4:39 am

fear wrote:chuck norris saw the mistress's face in Tom and Jerry cartoon.

This one is the best! I just wet myself

dad0 you fag I ain't got any STD, I'm just so fresh, so clean.
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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by Cinc on Sun Jul 04, 2010 12:16 pm

varlan wrote:
fear wrote:chuck norris saw the mistress's face in Tom and Jerry cartoon.

This one is the best! I just wet myself

dad0 you fag I ain't got any STD, I'm just so fresh, so clean.

Outkast <3
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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by Devil on Sun Jul 04, 2010 3:57 pm

This guy is invited to dinner over at his boss's house. They are both sitting quietly at the table, while the boss's wife is starting to serve dinner.
As she gets near the guy, she asks: - How many potatoes do you want?
He replies: - Just one potato, please.
The boss's wifey smiles as she says: - Come on, you don't have to be so polite.
He replies: - Alright then. Just one potato, you stupid cow!

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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by Cinc on Sun Jul 04, 2010 4:50 pm


It's not funny with google translate but to translate one of those xD:

A guy is walking down the street and sees a fountain, he thinks it would ba good idea to take a bath in there while nobody's looking. He then takes a soap and starts to wash. In that moment, he sees 3 blondes coming towards the fountain. He tries to pretend he is a statue and puts the soap in his mouth. The blondes take their clothes off too and start to bath. First blonde sees the guy, pulls his penis and he drops a piece of soap from his mouth. The second one sees that and also pulls his penis and gets the other half of the soap. Then the third blond comes, pulls once - nothing, pulls twice - nothing. So she pulls him the 3rd time a little faster and suddenly she saids: "Hey I got the liquid soap"
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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by fear on Mon Jul 05, 2010 1:33 am

why in the lawds name did you translate that one, cic? Embarassed

naw this one reptillia postd..

Mirko, Perica and gypsy kiddo play football, suddenly Mirko's mom shouts from 2nd floor window:
Yo Mirko don't play in that track suit we bought it yesterday! Ok mom-says Mirko, when from the 1st floor Perica's father yells: Not in new sneakers you dumbfuck!
Ok dad, perica replies, then gypsy's father suddenly shouts from the basement:
HEYA SON DON'T YA RUN YA GONNA GET HUNGRY! Laughing
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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by FireBall on Mon Jul 05, 2010 4:27 am

What does a black kid get for Christmas? ---- Your bike!

What do you call a black priest? ---- Holy shit!

What do you say if you wake up in the middle of the night and see your TV levitating? --- Drop that TV nigger!

What do you call 2 black guys in sleeping bags? ---- Twix! Wink

How many blacks does it take to screw in a light bulb? ---- 2, one to screw it in, the other to drive the pink caddilac

A black guy and a mexican are in a car, who's driving? ---- The cop.

Why can't Stevie Wonder read? ---- Cuz he's black


Cheers! Wink

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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by Nath on Mon Jul 05, 2010 5:15 am

FireBall wrote:What does a black kid get for Christmas? ---- Your bike!

What do you call a black priest? ---- Holy shit!

What do you say if you wake up in the middle of the night and see your TV levitating? --- Drop that TV nigger!

What do you call 2 black guys in sleeping bags? ---- Twix! Wink

How many blacks does it take to screw in a light bulb? ---- 2, one to screw it in, the other to drive the pink caddilac

A black guy and a mexican are in a car, who's driving? ---- The cop.

Why can't Stevie Wonder read? ---- Cuz he's black


Cheers! Wink
My personal favourite black joke - Whats quicker than a black guy running down the street with your TV? His brother running down the street with your DVD player Twisted Evil
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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by fear on Mon Jul 05, 2010 5:33 am

Nath wrote:
FireBall wrote:What does a black kid get for Christmas? ---- Your bike!

What do you call a black priest? ---- Holy shit!

What do you say if you wake up in the middle of the night and see your TV levitating? --- Drop that TV nigger!

What do you call 2 black guys in sleeping bags? ---- Twix! Wink

How many blacks does it take to screw in a light bulb? ---- 2, one to screw it in, the other to drive the pink caddilac

A black guy and a mexican are in a car, who's driving? ---- The cop.

Why can't Stevie Wonder read? ---- Cuz he's black


Cheers! Wink
My personal favourite black joke - Whats quicker than a black guy running down the street with your TV? His brother running down the street with your DVD player Twisted Evil

How did the white boy come out of the grocery store with a six pack? He walked in and payed for it.

What do you say when you see a white man carrying a TV? “Excuse me sir, you dropped your receipt!”

What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench? The NBA

What’s the flattest surface to iron your jeans on? A white girl’s ass!

What’s white and fourteen inches long? Absolutely nothing!

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Re: Jokes? Post them!!

Post by cmnndr on Mon Jul 05, 2010 7:04 am

FireBall wrote:
What do you call 2 black guys in sleeping bags?

Kinder Bueno
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